Clipped wings

Bani was frustrated, so deeply frustrated that it transcended  the most profound parts of her inner self. She has wasted her entire life in self doubt and fear, fear of rejection.

In the dark corner of her room she sobbed uncontrollably.

I’m done with everything .I wasted my whole life in fear. Today too I missed an opportunity in fear of rejection and failure. I could have done the work effortlessly but I lacked the confidence to stand up and say I can. Each time I try to give my name, something in my mind makes me say “Maybe next time!” and the next time never comes.

I always wanted to be a part of an adventure.  (several minutes pass as Bani  stares at nothing in uncertainty)Well then it is high time that I find one myself.

Bani  started rummaging her wardrobe. She finally found the backpack waiting impatiently for her to load her stuffs. Within 30mintes she was ready for the most awaited adventure of her life. She carefully opened the doors of her balcony. A cool breeze swept her hair away. The scent of eucalyptus intoxicated her nostrils. She felt like a bird whose cage was left unlocked obliviously by its master. The bird was overwhelmed to find out about its new earned freedom but feared of being a prey. This flight would  be the biggest risk of its life. However the decision was it’s to make, to be alive as a slave of fear or die as a martyr of its dreams. Bani turned back and took a step into her prison, “as long as am in here I would be safe but is that what I want?” She took a deep breath and closed her eye,  someone whispered into her ears “ It’s now or never”.

Bani  jumped from her balcony and ran towards her gate. She climbed the fence and hit the road on her knees. Whoa …did I really do that? I didn’t know I could jump from the balcony and climb the fence so effortlessly, uff I could have bet Shazia last year in high jump, humph …never mind I deserve more than that.

Bani made her way towards her unknown journey. While she strolled clueless in the dark alley the sound of impatient footsteps reached her ears. Fear overpowered her inner being while she stood still like a statue. The sound of thunder brought her back to her senses. She took off in great speed without even turning back. Bani climbed over the fence and balcony of the first house she came across and with much anticipation she pushed the door open. To her surprise it was unlocked, a well furnished room welcomed her.

Whoa now that is a well furnished room except for its present appalling state. An alarm rang startling me. While I  hurried to turn it down, I stumbled dup… I lay spreadeagled. Broken pieces of a mirror laid scattered on the floor. I saw a camera lying on my right near to the windowsill. I took the camera and scrutinised it. Clung! A film fell out of it. Someone has desperately tried hard to destroy it but the job remained futile. I threw it inside my backpack.

Due to unexpected chasing I was little exhausted and hence thought to take some rest. I fell on the bed and pulled the pillow into a hug. A folded paper fell from it and with much curiosity unfolded it. It read,

Dear Reader,

The shadows of my life are becoming stronger and darker by each passing day. The road I trod has become weary of pain. Hope has lost its way half  way through and I hardly know what happiness feels like. Sleep has abandoned me years ago. Wounds of my forbidden past continues to torment. Crimson stains of that unforgivable sin has spread my entire body. I feel like I am lying on top of a funeral pyre. I have been awaiting death ever since. This inexplicable thirst for him makes me insane. Before the human vultures tear me into pieces I want to cleanse my soul and set it free. But it seems too luxurious a wish at this moment.

Blood droplets has spread across the sheet making it difficult to read the last few lines.

Bani stand frozen. She looks perplexed and decides to leave the place at once when she notices  a photo frame. Her hands tremble as she picks it up. One look at the photo leaves her startled. Bani  sees herself smiling back at her.

Oh my god! That’s me! But with a much longer hair and  with an enchanting smile. And who is this man with me, I mean with her?

(Heavy banging on the door).

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaani, baaaaani, bani open the door, fast. We don’t have much time. Opeeeen

Holyshit, who is at the door? And why on earth is he calling my name? How does he know my name?

I don’t live here. Or is it the girl from the photo frame? But I don’t live remember clicking this photo.  How can both of us have the same name. And is he the same man from the photo frame ,at the door???

 

Baaaniiiiii   Baaaaaaaaaaaaaniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii……….

Ssplashhh..  Splassh……..Bani  lies wet on the bed soaked in water. Her mother poured a bucket full of  water on her. Bani  wakes up from her dream.

Daaamn really, that was a dream? Gosh!!!! No…………………….way. Arghhhhhh…. it felt so real.

Bani, what were you muttering in your sleep? I have told you a thousand times not to watch that stupid horror serials but who listens to me. Now go and get ready. You are late for your college.

Bani stood in front of her mirror and stared at herself. AHH… the caged bird always stays caged, No master ever forgets to close a cage (sighs). Before turning away she took a good look at herself and that‘s when something  caught her attention. There was a camera lying near to her window sill.

Camera? But I don’t  own a camera! Then whose is this? I have seen this somewhere but where?…. oh my god!!!! isn’t this the same camera from my dream?

Baaniiiii, BAAAniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii… you have a visitor! come downnn.

Visitor? for me? but I hardly have any friends and they hardly visit me. Bani’s heart starts beating faster as she make her way down.

The real adventure is yet to begin.

The End

Copyright©2016Radhika Menon. N. All Rights Reserved

Its Christmas, anything can happen!

December is here to stay. Right from my childhood I’ve had huge fascination for December. Its charm never wearing off and hope always showing its presence. The snow filled landscapes, the cold lazy mornings, the lovely breeze that gives us a smile. Hot coffees, delicious muffins, campfires that makes us cozy and happy.

A month of happiness, surprises and gifts. There are very less people who love winter, am definitely one among them. Its really beautiful to look at the setting sun on a chilly wintery evening with a mug of hot chocolate in our hand eventually taking a sip from it to stay one with reality. When walking on the road gets abit difficult but still to feel the snow underneath our feet we take an evening stroll when the aroma of cookies baking in the neighborhood fill our nostrils. Once or twice obliviously we stop to look at the kids fighting with their parents to buy them toys. That feeling of nostalgia hitting us hard on the forehead.While returning home we unknowingly search for something and after battling for almost several hours come up with something from a dusty corner of our rack. In awe we would stare at it, holding tightly to the last piece of our childhood which cannot be relived.

I’ve always believed that December is capable of everything. I don’t know when the belief sprouted though but yea faith is capable of everything, as we all know. December, when all our wishes start to materialize, when hope and faith is at its peak,when even at night moonlight is filled all around sweeping away the darkness. The stars shining and winking at us assuring that all our faith is surely gonna pay soon. And when hope fails to materialize the breeze hugs us and ask to be a little more patient for the glass jar of wishes went missing two days back. At night when we cry ourselves to sleep, angels and fairies wipe away our tears and sprinkle the magic dust so that our dreams take us to a world of only happiness and joy.

Life starts to seem like a fairytale a lot more simple, calm yet happening. Its not necessary to be happy always but what matters is those small little silly moments that makes us feel special. That occasional glance of your mother when you are ready with the trick, the old repeated stories of your grandma about how she being the intelligent, beautiful, charming princess in disguise whom unfortunately the prince couldn’t marry. How she became your best partner in crime saving you from your mom’s penetrating looks and her cross questioning sessions.

On Christmas eve when you try hard not to fall asleep but again become the victim of it after which Santa leaves your present under your coat. In the morning when sadness tries to claim your day happiness wins it with all its strength with the lovely presents.

Food is definitely not what anyone want to miss. The extravagant delicious Christmas lunch. whoaaaaa… my mouth has already started watering. Uff the holly jolly turkey with maple syrup and apple stuffing. hmmm…the soft juicy bite takes you to another world or the crunchy stuffed pork roast which makes your guest feel royal. The chickpea fattoush to add a middle eastern taste. The tangy honey glazed ham for ham lovers served along with scalloped potatoes, creamed peas and biscuits and definitely the traditional pudding and the yummy dessert. The raspberry cranachan trifle with crunchy hapjack style toasted oats without which the celebration is incomplete. OMG!!!! My stomach is gonna explode..

Finally we sit together around a campfire and become nostalgic and start waiting for the next Christmas and those lovely December days.

P.s : In real am a vegan :p